Fostering creativity in your tween/teen daughter

As a kindergarten teacher, my "expertise" (HA!) is with the younger crowd.  I am struggling in this life of raising an almost teenager.  Big Princess will be 13 in September, and I just can't wrap my brain around it, or even really how to parent this child that I used to know inside and out. 

It's really important to me to make sure she continues to be creative.  Not only because it's good for her soul, but because I am a firm believer that the creative, innovative, problem-solving kids will be the most successful in our current world. 

This is what we are currently doing, but I need input!  Share your ideas, please!

1.  Encourage art journaling/scrapbooking.  We gave our daughter a SMASH book for Christmas, and she has loved it as a way to encorporate scrapbooking and art journaling. I loved it so much, I bought one for myself. 




Here's a pin that I love that gives a great example of a SMASH book page.

Source: smashstoriesblog.com via Taryn on Pinterest

2.  Computer art - PowerPoint Presentations
My Big Princess loves making these.  I bet she's made 50.  She likes to make them for her sister's birthday  parties, at the end of a sports season or grade level, for holidays, after vacations, about her friends, field trips, whatever.  She's currently working on a Hunger Games one for the big release Friday! 

3.  Photography
She's in a photography club at school, and took the title picture across the street last fall after saying "That has cool lines".  Developing a photographer's eye has really helped her to be creative, and she's always setting up little vignettes to photograph.  She loves picnik to edit and enhance her photos.  It will be closing April 19, we're pretty bummed over it!  I can get her to go on walks, especially those that I have a theme in mind for Little Princess, if I change up her challenge to be photographing the hunt instead of collecting items or "spying" items like her sister does.  (signs of spring, rainbow, colored leaves, words, numbers, letters, etc.)

4. Teach her how to sew and knit  - or find someone who can
I will readily admit that this is one of those great ideas that I haven't quite followed through on.  She started learning to knit, and the "club" stopped, so the knitting stopped.  She received a sewing machine for Christmas a few years ago, and I tried to pull out my old 4-H skills, and they have left the building.  I have talked to people about teaching her, but well, haven't quite gotten there.  But I think it will be great!

5.  Encourage music  - not just the crap on the radio (that I love, too)
Okay, I love a good beat.  Music is an outlet for me.  My itunes playlists are created to suit my moods - sentimental, Christian, classical, throwback, Southern, mellow, ballads, reggae, Disney, Hokie game day, running, cleaning, you get the idea.  I always wanted to get her in music lessons, but she was too busy in other things.  I regret this one. I may still pick that back up - the ability to play an instrument is pretty heady.  In the meantime, I am trying to help her understand how music can create or envoke a mood, appreciate music artists for more than their ability to strut, rap, or twang. She has some basic information from music classes in school, but actually chose to do computer arts over music for the past 3 years. 

I remember being her age, and hating being forced to listen to my parents' music.  We are in an area steeped in bluegrass tradition, and I don't really love it, almost sacreligious to admit publicly.  My uncle played a mean banjo, and I loved to hear it wafting through the air from our backyards, but a full band performance is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. So we go a bit more mainstream - I love Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show.  She doesn't love classical, but loves Trans Siberian Orchestra.  So we don't force the issue, keep up the exposure on a level she still feels is "cool" and hope she'll come around.

6.  Encourage art appreciation
For us, this means recognizing beauty around us, and those who can recreate it in a way that is stunning.  She's got this down, and we frequently share finds that speak to us. 

7.  If you have younger children, encourage her to be involved in their play and process

This one is becoming increasingly difficult.  Up until this year, their joint pretend play was something to behold.  She's suddenly become too cool.  She'll occasionally walk over to the easel to paint.  I can sometimes cajole her to participate in an art project.  I did manage to capture this rare moment of playing in the Oobleck together for Dr. Seuss day.  She participated for about 3 minutes. If I can put her in charge, sometimes it works.  She did play in the "snowcone shop" Little Princess created on the one snow day we've had for about 5 minutes.  I try to savor those moments as they come, thank her, and be grateful.

8.  Limit screen time
So this is a tricky one.  I know how much she loves connecting via social media.  I know she enjoys the little games on her ipod.  However, I try to make sure that she's not consumed with television, texting, and facebook.  This step requires her to leave the confines of her room, and that's a big deal.  We unplug each day, and by forcing her to do something else, creativity always abounds. 

9.  Problem solving and brainstorming are a different sort of creativity, but functional just the same
I encourage her to brainstorm and problem solve often, rather than always offering solutions.  These creative thinking skills will be invaluable.  She offers solutions to issues, and we discuss the pros and cons before settling on one.

10.  Let her dream and design
I have fond memories of lying on my bed with the Sears catalog imagining I was going to marry Jason Priestly, and picking out all the things he was going to buy me.  (Did I really just admit that to the world?)  Coming up with dream weddings, dream rooms, dream homes, dream clothes, while not always practical, is another form of creativity and self-expression.

11. Involve her in your plans and projects
Let her help design holiday centerpieces,decor, and menus, DIY projects, birthday parties for siblings, even vacation plans.  Not only will she feel empowered and important, she will take an idea and run with it if allowed.

12.  Some reality television is not a bad idea.  Don't close this post yet.  Hear me out! 
If the images in your brain from that little header are negative and racy - shed them.  We enjoy watching some shows together that really give her GOOD exposure.  Examples:  decorating and design shows on HGTV and DIY network.  Cupcake wars, Pioneer Woman on Food Network.  Disney Dream Weddings and David Tutera's wedding shows.  She likes Four Weddings and Top Chef, too.  Sometimes the language on these gets more than I am comfortable with, and there is drinking involved on Top Chef.  All of these shows help her to see ideas put into action, and often the modeling of creativity, problem-solving, and being resourceful is great.  Of course, American Idol is a guilty pleasure, but she is exposed to various kinds of music.  (I dropped my jaw when she asked me who Whitney Houston was!)

13.  Keep your eye open for opportunities around you to participate in
Notice how many times I mentioned club in this post?  I encourage her to be involved in as many activities as we can handle, there are so many knowledgeable people out there that can really teach her.  Our area is very rural, and many of the activities seem to be geared either towards the little ones, or sports.  She loves sports, and has tried many.  Right now, she's participating in volleyball, softball, and track on some level.  AHHH!  I think this is great for her physically and mentally, but I don't want it to completely take over.  I try to keep my eyes out for clubs, activities, and events that she won't deem herself to be too old for.  Thinking seriously about taking both princesses to an Easter Bonnet making activity in a few weeks that is promoted as grandmother-mother-daughter fun.  If she will lose the attitude, and make it about the experience rather than the project to begin with, she'll have a blast.

As I said, this is by no means an exhaustive list.  Wish it had 100 things like many of the posts and pins I see for the younger crowd.  Add an idea via comment, and I'll add it to the post and give you credit.  After all, it takes a village to raise a child, and I think the best part of the internet for me is that ability to learn and share with other like minded parents!

How to connect with your tween daughter

We walk in the door, she walks up to her room, plugs in the earbuds, and begins the social connections through text and facebook to the people she's been with all day.  What happened to the little girl who couldn't wait to tell me about her day? Who is this apparition that inhabits my home, eats my food, gives me clothes to wash, and takes my money?

It is becoming increasingly difficult to connect with my big princess.  I've gathered tips and information over the last few years, and am selfishly writing this post to remind myself of the ways to connect.  12 hints for my 12 year old!


1.  Really Listen
When she shares something about her day, as silly as it may be, pay close attention.  In those stories about her bff's pig pillow pet named bacon, how Sally saw John put a letter in his locker that Sue thinks is from Sara who is trying to convince John to break up with her for Samantha, or the new catchphrase, there is a wealth of information.  Who is she talking about?  Are they the same friends she's had, or does she seem to be moving in a new direction?  What do you know about the kids she spending time with?  When she moves to the fridge singing a line from a song, look up the lyrics.  Do you approve?  Could you live with listening to it in the car with her?  Giving her tickets to the concert for her birthday and going together?

2. Read the same books.
 We recently read The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins.  I loved the series, and read through it really, really quickly. She was still on the first one when I finished.   It's been fun to discuss parts as she gets to them.  Whenever you can encourage reading and have something in common with your daughter, it's a win - win situation!  If you haven't read them yet, I highly recommend them. 



We're looking for ideas of what to read next.  Leave a comment with suggestions!


3.  Have a Mommy and me Journal.
 I was inspired to do this after seeing this pin:

Source: mama-jenn.blogspot.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Sometimes, it's easier to write down thoughts than talk.  She is more able to express herself without fear of the look on my face.  And I have time to think about my words and responses without responding immediately.  It's also a great way for her to ask about things she may be too embarrassed to say face to face.  She writes after bed, and leaves it for me to read the next morning.  I try to respond and leave in her room to read before school.   Highly recommend this activity.

4. Learn about her interests and activities.  
 I've had to do research on volleyball positions and rules this year.  But being able to talk about a match afterwards, other than to say "you worked hard today" has built many conversations.  I've also been able to initiate conversations after practice about the number of serves she got over, did her bumps go forward or up, etc.  Even if it's just for the car ride home, she knows I cared enough to learn.  The picture at the top was one she took in photography club, we have several of her pictures on display.  There's no more artwork coming home for the fridge, so look around for things to celebrate!

5.  Know what she's watching

 I try to watch the shows she really likes, and be able to discuss them with her.  I have had to deem a few inappropriate, but many we can discuss plot lines, characters, and the consequences that the characters would have faced in real life if they don't on the show.   She's gotten to the age where some are not little princess approved, so she occasionally has to watch them in another room.  She's at the age of wanting to watch things that are still too mature, so pay close attention..
 
6. Be present when appropriate
Time to take some gas out of the helicopter, mom.  This is a tough one.  Your presence, when parental presence is neither required, accepted, nor approved, is a quick way to lose the ground you've been building.   I've  been watching other moms and taking cues.  It's cool to be at the match, supporting the team, but no so cool to hang out with the team when they have downtime.  There are still many times my presence on the sidelines is still required for my own peace of mind, but I'm trying not to hover.

7.  Pick your battles, and try to say yes more than no
Planning a whole post on discipline and responsibility later, but this is relevant here.  If you are constantly nagging, and refusing, you will become the enemy.  It can be" yes, when" (i.e. yes, you can get a cell phone when you show responsibility; yes, she can spend the night when you get your room clean, etc.) but an outright no to every request will not help your relationship. Decide what you can live with.  A wise friend once told me to allow some small "rebellions" when they are younger and they will not try the big ones later for effect.  In watching her son grow, I saw the proof of this.  If it's just not your personal taste but doesn't affect their health, safety, or reputation, ask yourself why you are saying no.


8.  Love notes in the lunchboxes may no be longer kid approved, but in a notebook, or her mirror are great. 
She packs her lunch daily, and I used to stick little notes in frequently.  Now, I only do it in conjunction with a special food or day. On spirit day at school, I drew paw prints and wrote "Go Wildcats" on her bag of food.  That was enough to let her know I cared enough to put some extra effort, but not so much that it embarrassed her.  (Notice a trend?  AVOID EMBARRASSING YOUR CHILD as frequently as possible. )  Other inspirations:

Heart attack on the door for Valentine's was a hit, so I sporadically leave a post-it note on her mirror for her to find when she wakes up.

Source: skiptomylou.files.wordpress.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Special snacks on special days, like big tests!

Source: ediblecrafts.craftgossip.com via Taryn on Pinterest

9. Lure her out of the bedroom and involve her
She might not admit it, but she really does want to feel involved.  Enlist help with dinner, challenge her to a wii dance off.  Just Dance 3 is a big hit around here. 





Another fun way to connect is to do a crafty project for her room.  Let her be involved in the design.  Here's some ideas to get you started:
Recover a lampshade:

Source: midwestliving.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Bling out a clipboard:

Source: dollarstorecrafts.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Make a cute container for grocery bags to keep in her room to replace trash can "liners"

Source: tatertotsandjello.blogspot.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Make a weekly reminder board:

Source: fey-next2heaven.blogspot.com via Taryn on Pinterest

10.  Schedule a girls night out for the two of you. 
I've found this particularly important in light of all the little princess interruptions at home.  Help her to feel important.  Go to the movies, go for a run together (and try not to be embarrassed when she shows you up), go for a dinner out, pedicures, manicures.  Now is a great time to begin teaching her how to care for her skin.  If you are into natural products, Crunchy Betty is a GREAT blog for natural face and hair recipes and remedies.  Send everyone else out, pull out an Audrey Hepburn movie, and put some food on your face and paint on your nails.

11.  Respect her privacy
This may seem like an oxymoron on this post, after all, how can you connect to the being in her bedroom?  However, I have found that giving her downtime (translated: crashed on her bed texting and facebooking) allows her time to recover from a day sitting in class.  After all, don't we all like a few minutes to crash when we get home?  Remember yourself at this age - I spent a lot time in my room, on the phone, etc.   She gets 30 minutes to an hour alone in her room.  This varies depending on the amount of homework she has (she gets longer on heavy homework days) and the time she has spent in after school activities that day (less time).  The little princess craves time with her, but it's much more peaceful and fun if she's had her private time first.

12.  And in contrast - limit screen time.

 In this social media age, I have found myself towing a hard line.  The amount of damage that can been done is scary.  While we've spent her lifetime educating her about not sharing info online, she still messed up once connecting with someone on Twitter.  We spent a few hard months of grounding and educating her on the dangers,  and she's more aware now.  People aren't always who they say there are.  Our rule:  if you haven't talked to them physically, you don't talk to them electronically.  She would spend all evening on her social sites on her ipod touch, so we are working on a system to limit that.  I'm looking at this one from ducks in a row.  Each Sunday, each child gets 10 tickets, each one equaling 30 minutes of screen time.  When they are gone, they are gone. 

Source: themacdougallfamily.blogspot.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Hope these have given you a few ideas on making connections with your tween.  PLEASE share any you have, I'm always on the lookout for ideas!

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